Tuesday, January 9, 2018


"Books! And cleverness! There are more important things - friendship and bravery . . .”
Hermione, age 11
From Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J.K. Rowling

Learning to make friends and figuring out what friendship involves is a significant part of the work of children, and once they enter school they spend more and more of their waking experience with their friends, in a way most adults no longer do. Frequently children mention having friends as essential to happiness. From school age through young adulthood, young people are often focused on making and keeping friends, and their friendships often influence their lives in deep and complex ways. As a result, many children spend time thinking about what makes someone a good friend and the importance of having friends.

A nice activity for stimulating reflection and discussion about friendship appears in the textbook I co-authored, Philosophy in Education: Questioning and Dialogue in SchoolsThe following description is adapted from the activity, which was created by Kelsey Satchel Kaul and Heather Van Wallendael when they were undergraduate students at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. 


Begin by giving each student one index card and asking the students to draw, without using representations of people (including stick figures, faces, and the like), a creative representation of a good friendship. Have the students then discuss their drawings in small groups, with students explaining why their drawings represent good friendships.

Bring the students back together and ask them to consider the following question as a large group: “What makes a friendship a good friendship?” Have the students contribute answers to this question based on their drawings, and then ask them if they would add anything else to the list.

After this general list is established, move to more specific questions on the nature of a good friendship:

  • Be sure to give the students about 10 seconds to think of their answers in silence before asking for hands.
  • Be prepared to acknowledge that several traits on the board are related. It might be helpful to use different colored markers to connect different traits as related to one another. For example, students might identify “trust” as the underlying reason for “feels safe to be around.”
  • If students disagree, be sure to ask them to respond specifically to one another, giving reasons in support of their positions.

Question 1: Which of the qualities on the board might be the most important to a good friendship? Why? 
This question can lead to a discussion about what is necessary for a good friendship and what is sufficient for a good friendship.

Question 2: Which quality on the board might be the most detrimental if it were absent? Why?
This question focuses on what is sufficient for a good friendship.

Question 3: If you could have a friend that had all of the listed traits except for one, which trait would you leave out?
This question gets at the least important trait. It may be argued that the traits that seem least important may not be necessary (and certainly not sufficient) traits for a good friendship.

The three questions above should foster a full discussion, but if you have more time (or want to extend the discussion into another class period), you might also take up the following questions:

A. Can non-human animals be friends to us? Can they be friends to each other? 
Refer to the phrase "a dog is man's best friend." What does the phrase really mean? In what ways can dogs or other animals make for better or worse friends than people?
Ask the students to related their answers back to the qualities on the board.

B. Are there different kinds of friends?
This question can focus on the differences between friends who are, for example, family, family friends, social media friends, school friends, neighbors, etc. Answers will vary.
Are there qualities on the list that are more important for different kinds of friends than for others? For example, perhaps "having fun" is more important for school friends, while "commitment to working through problems"might be more important for sibling friends.

Concluding Activity

  • Ask the students to review the list of qualities on the board and write about one that they believe is a strength for them and one that is a weakness for them, and why. Let them know that this writing will not be shared with other students.
  • Ask the students to write about which quality on the board they think is most important, and why.

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